TRANSCRIPT

Interviewee: Reema Sagar

Interviewer: Priyanka Shrestha

Date of Interview: 07/30/2023

Location of Interview: Dallas, TX

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00:00:00- 00:05:00

Priyanka: You can begin. First, you told me that you came to the US in December 2011, right?

Reema: Yeah.

Priyanka: Please describe your journey about how you came here.

Reema: Okay, so. When we came, we were already working in some financial institution in Nepal. And one day, we found out that we got DV. Many people told us, “You guys already have a good post in Nepal. So don’t go; stay here. You have a good career here.” Others seemed to say, you know, “Paddle away. Go, try once. You never know. It might be good for you guys. Ultimately, you know, money matters. Right? And because of that, like after a lot of struggles, a lot of thinking, what to do, what not to do. And the visa also - the DV is in quota. And it opens on a monthly basis. So, our number was very far. 40,029 was our number. So, we never expected our number to come. But it ultimately came. And then we started preparing to come to America. Like, you have to do a lot of preparation when you are leaving your home. And our daughter was 4 years old. So, for the betterment of our kid also, we decided to go to America and started living in here. When we came here, we had mixed feelings. Leaving the people in our home made me miss them. And on the other hand, America is one of the strongest countries in the world. And we wondered what it would be like there. People used to ask me, “Do you dream about going to America?” And I used to say, “No, I don’t dream about America.” Because I had never seen it with my own eyes. And what you haven’t seen with your eyes, you can’t dream about it either. So, we came here, we were sad, we were happy, both mixed feelings. We had friends here too, but I didn’t get homesick. As soon as I came here, I got a job. That is also one of the positive sides. Taste was the thing that we struggled with. Coming to America after 30-35 years, the taste didn’t match with the foods I was used to eating. So, there was a struggle with that for a couple of months. And what do you say, uhm... it took time to understand the laws here, I had to drive. So, a lot of work already. So, we were both kind of happy, unhappy.

Priyanka: Did you learn to drive after coming here?

Reema: I used to drive some in Nepal. But I didn’t have to drive there really. We had a driver at our home. So sometimes, I used to feel like, "Okay I want to drive." So, I learned to drive after coming here. So, I only like literally drive well only after coming here.

Priyanka: Mmm…When you applied for DV, did you apply it just without reason or because you wanted to come here.

Reema: Everyone applies DV in order to get it. I didn’t apply for it. My husband did it. And I was like, “Will we get it? You are applying for it.” I also used to satire him. But we got it, luckily.

Priyanka: When people come here from Nepal, they have heard a lot about the US. You also probably had imagined something about what America will be like. So, was it like what you had imagined? Or how did you feel?

Reema: Uhmm…in my imagination, when I looked at photos, I am a clean freak. When I looked at photos, it was very clean, the houses were also of the same pattern, cookie cutter homes, organized, clean roads, clean homes. So, I knew it was a clean place, a developed place. That was my only expectation. I felt it was going to be nice. But I didn’t have very high expectations in America, because we already were having a good job there. I was leading a batch. My husband was almost getting promoted to deputy manager. So, I didn’t have very high expectations. My expectation was that our child would have a good education after going there, her further education will be good. Because, as I also said before, being born in Birgunj, just going to Kathmandu used to be a big deal for me. Like I would be, “Wow.” So, my journey coming all the way to America from Kathmandu - it was awesome thinking, but I didn’t have much high expectations.

Priyanka: And when you came here, did you have friends or any support system or help here?

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Reema: Yes. My mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, my parents, older brother, younger brother, and my entire family were so supportive. They would say, “Go, you can go and see what it’s like. Home will still be here if you need to come back.”

00:05:00- 00:10:00

Reema: That I think that helped a lot.

Priyanka: You had support in Nepal, and did you have support here?”

Reema: Here also. Having your friends here, most likely, made it simply like switching from one home to another. We had friends here, so we didn’t feel homesick. Always surrounded by friends. So, it was good that we came to Dallas. I don’t know what it would have been like if we had gone to another place. But there are a lot of Nepalese in Dallas. Nepali friends, and we easily made new friends too. So, because of that, we never felt lonely.

Priyanka: And you said you missed the taste in food a lot here, right.

Reema: Yeah, we had to struggle a lot in taste. We were always looking for the taste of back home. Especially me. And it would be hard to find that taste. But slowly, I got accustomed to the food, and began liking it. So, I overcame that also.

Priyanka: Did you learn to cook more here or at a restaurant - ?

Reema: Right, after coming here. When I was a student, I had never cooked even when I did my Masters. I started cooking after marrying. And everyone liked my cooking. Like kind of my husband’s grandmother used to say, “Your cooking is very good.” So, I must say it was enhanced after coming here.

Priyanka: Your daughter was 4 years old when coming here. How was the transition for her?

Reema: The transition…The second or third day after coming here to America, we took her to Walmart. We put her on the cart. And there is a scary site in Walmart with the posters about missing kids. It was very scary to me. And when we came out from shopping in Walmart, I asked her, “Do you want to go back home to Nepal?” And she said, “I don't want to go back.” So, I think in Nepal, I was very busy. Wake up in the morning, go to office, come back from office, do house chores. I didn’t get to give her much time. After coming here, I had to go to work only at a specific time. 10 to 5 and you are done. With banking hours in Nepal, only the time you go to work is fixed, the time you return is never fixed. And I think my daughter found me closer in that aspect. I felt like we had more time together. She was like, “I don't want to go back.” So, I still tell her today, “Remember what you told me in Walmart that you didn’t want to go back?” So, I felt she liked this place too, because she had both mom and dad in front of her every time. So, I think she liked it a lot because of that. We also never felt anything like we like it or don’t like it. Wherever you live, wherever you work, whichever place or country gives you food, gives you a good environment, I think we should praise that. Of course, we have our own places. But this is my work land for now. So, good.

Priyanka: What is work land [Unintelligible]

Reema: For me work land means, I was born in Nepal, grew up in Nepal, everything I needed to do in Nepal I did it. I studied till my age. I had friends there. I have my parents, my parent’s responsibility. I came here and am working here. I’m educating my children; I’m moving my career forward. For me, my work land for now is here. I’m taking care of me, myself, my family, everything. And this place is supporting me to do all these things. For me, my work land for now is this place. I don’t know, my statement might change in 5-6 years from now. Because I will maybe go toward retirement. People always remember their home, their birth place, the place they grew up in. So maybe my statement will change at that time again. The thing that I learned by coming to America is that you shouldn’t be judgmental. You have to talk about whatever state you are in. Statements will change with time. I myself have said many things before which I now feel “No, that’s wrong.” I felt like people shouldn’t judge like that. So yeah.

Priyanka: So, do you feel at home here now?

Reema: I do. Because my parents and parents-in-law also come here often. My parents don’t like it here because of their health issues. My brothers-in-law also come often. So, because of their back and forth, it’s only like changing houses for us. If I don’t leave this house, I won’t even feel like I’ve come to America. I am somewhere. But when I come outside, I see all the people, then I’m like “Oh, oh, I’m in America.”

00:10:00- 00:15:00

Reema: Otherwise, I’m very comfortable.

Priyanka: Do you think you will go back to live in Nepal again in the future?

Reema: Uhm, we don’t know about going back to live. Because there are the children. We used to say, once the children are settled, we will return. Like, if the children go to college, we will go back to Nepal. Our seniors would tell us that, we also used to say that. But like, we realized that that is not possible. Children going to college is not just children going to college. They keep visiting. When they grow up - they started growing up and seeing the movement of children older than them, we feel like we will always be occupied till now. We go to Nepal every 2-3 years to visit everyone. But I don’t think we will go back in this situation. Because I feel like we can’t leave our children.

Priyanka: You return to Nepal every 2-3 years

Reema: Uh, to visit.

Priyanka: To visit

Reema: My parents-in-law also come every 2-3 years to visit. I had left my son there with my parents when he was 10 months old. So, we go to Nepal every 2-3 years.

Priyanka: And do your children feel close there? Do they like going to Nepal?

Reema: Very close. They are talking on a daily basis. Let’s not say on a daily basis. Because when they grow older, they don’t like to interact a lot. But they do have hi hellos with grandparents every 2-3 days. I am planning to go next year. And I told my daughter, “Okay, your schedule won’t fit, daughter, so don’t go.” And she had become very sad. So, it’s a reflection that she really likes Nepal. Her cousins in Nepal, house.

Priyanka: I think that helps a lot.

Reema: Very much.

Priyanka: We also go every 2-3 years and so I feel very close.

Reema: It’s like that. When you stay together, you feel annoyed in many things, people’s nature and instinct. But when you don’t have that same thing, you miss it. Okay. And I feel like there is a joint family and an isolation. And when you live in a joint family, you agree on some things and don’t agree on some things. And people get separated because they cannot handle that stress or cold war, stuff like that. And they live outside, but they are in good relationship with their parents. And it’s the same for us. We are outside, but we are in a very good relationship with our parents.

Priyanka: How do you keep your Nepali holidays and traditions alive while living here?

Reema: Uh, our parents help us a lot in keeping them alive. There are a lot of different kinds of apps and Nepali calendars available on our phones. Facebook has helped a lot. So, we celebrate all festivals. Our drawback is that we don’t have holidays for our festivals. In Nepal, we have holiday to celebrate proper festivals. Even if we don’t have holidays, we try our level best to teach our children our culture. Worshiping, devotion towards God, we do everything as much as we know to our knowledge here. We have even more pressure here. Because we have to celebrate the festivals of here too and of Nepal too. We have to celebrate the birthday here, and the birthday of Nepal too.

Priyanka: For both cultures.

Reema: So, it’s like double pressure here. In September-October, every festival begins: Dashain, Tihar, Christmas, Thanksgiving, everything, the entire thing. So, in those couple of months, we are under extreme pressure. We have to work, there is the stress of work itself. We have to celebrate Nepali festivals in Nepali way. We have to celebrate American festivals in an American way. I think we are more liberal in Nepali. So, we want to do everything we can do from our part. Right from celebration to everything you know. So, we try our level best to celebrate everything.

Priyanka: And the Nepali community here is large. Do you have celebrations together?

Reema: Yeah, it’s very large, but we get involved in community programs very little because of our time. The children are small and there is work. So, we do it by ourselves, we have 1-2 friends. So, we try to do that. Before covid, we used to go to community Mha Pujas, but post covid the pujas haven’t been organized. And if they are held, we will of course go there.

Priyanka: So, you came in 2011, so it’s been a couple of years.

00:15:00- 00:19:00

Priyanka: Have you seen any changes? And how do you celebrate things in the community and in home?

Reema: Couple of years…now it took us 2 years just to settle. Where to keep the kids, what to do, how to organize the children. Learning to drive, going to work and coming back. So, a couple of years were spent in that. In between we were also celebrating Dashain Tihar as much as possible. Now evolution in a sense, we made a lot of friends. And after we had a lot of friends, we started getting busier. Dashain’s feast, Tihar, and friend’s birthdays and started seeing a lot of things. We started learning how people do things. So, evolution for me is like - we used to do things on a small scale before. Now it’s grander. That’s the evolution.

Priyanka: Do you make Nepali food most of the time at home?

Reema: Of course, we make Nepali food. If we have time and everything is there, our regular food is Nepali lentil, rice and curry always. Sometimes for a break, we bring pizza, or Chipotle, or go to the restaurant. Even when we go to the restaurant, we go Nepali, Indian cuisine. My son does not like Nepali rice a lot. My daughter is like, if she has Nepali lentil rice, paneer curry, she is like very happy. And my son has also started to eat Nepali lentil rice paneer tastefully. But the food we eat in our house is 90% Nepali food. Lentil rice, vegetables, momo, mutton, chicken, grilled meat, barbecue is also in Nepali style. So pretty much our food is Nepali style till now.

Priyanka: I have noticed that in most cultures, the food is the last thing you leave.

Reema: Yeah, and one brother was saying, “Probably our generation is the last generation who will cook in home and then eat food.”

Priyanka: Really

Reema: Our generation. Because after this, we don’t know if the next generation will cook our food or not. Because it is tedious. Cook the rice, cook the lentils, cook the vegetables, and cook the pickles. So, so many things you assemble together. But the food here is - Okay, burger. Eat a burger. There is a package, that’s it. America’s food is very short cut, and simple. Most of them. Other than if you want to follow a proper recipe. But the thing that the brother said really struck me. And I ask my daughter, “Will you cook and eat rice in the future?” She says, “Maybe sometimes.” I don’t know. So hopefully, we are teaching them to cook our food, eat, make tea, and make this and that. But we cannot force them and say they must eat this food. And the thing that the brother said I found very right. Maybe, it can be. In America, maybe one more generation, and then we can’t say what will happen.

Priyanka: Uh, I think it makes a difference that you cook in the home. Myself too, when I went to college, I would miss my mom’s cooking a lot. So, I think later when I have a job, I will remember it and try to cook it.

Reema: If time gives permission right. In later days, there are more people to compete with. It takes time to keep up with things. So maybe, it will be like, “This is my mama’s recipe, this is my grandma’s recipe.” Maybe it will be like that.

Priyanka: Yeah, it will be passed down in the family.

Reema: Yeah, so one recipe, you will cook once in a while, and then, okay you know, you know that recipe. And you will try to pass it over to your next generation. Maybe it will be like that. But I don’t feel like they will cook food regularly.