Interviewee: Millu Rayamajhi and Nikesh Prajapati

Interviewer: Priyanka Shrestha

Date: 09/10/2022

Location: Cleveland, Ohio

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[00:00:00]

Priyanka: Describe to us a little about where and how you grew up in Nepal.

Nikesh: In a city called Banepa, about 25 kilometres away from Kathmandu, south of the valley.  I grew up there, but after my fourth grade, I went to a school called Budhanilkantha. That's where we met each other. It's a boarding school, and I went there from my fourth grade to my twelfth grade, and all the way up to high school.

Millu: I was born in Kathmandu, and same thing, I was raised in Kathmandu, and then I attended St. Mary's School until sixth grade. After that, from seventh grade, I went to Budhanilkantha School, and that's where I met Nikesh. So, we were together, I think, from seventh grade. We were in the same class. And then after that, we came here for undergrad.

Nikesh: After our tenth grade, we had an option to choose the O-Levels A-Levels curriculum from U.K.

Millu: It's Cambridge, ours was from Cambridge. Yeah, Cambridge A-Levels.

Nikesh: Or to do the 10 plus 2, which is the Nepali curriculum. Both of us chose the A-Levels.

Priyanka: Did you choose it because you wanted to go abroad eventually?

Nikesh: That's basically pretty much the goal of the school. The school in itself, at the time, was more renowned for sending students to countries like the U.S. and the U.K. And the primary reason, like you said, the parents used to send their kids there was to get them to make sure that they have a route to get out of the country for higher education.

Priyanka: Did you both want to go to the U.S. or abroad, or did you feel more pressured by maybe the school you went to?

Millu: I actually always wanted to come to the U.S and I actually always knew that I was going to study economics because I enjoyed it when I studied economics in high school. So, I kind of knew what I wanted to do at that time.

Priyanka: Was there a particular reason you wanted to come to the U.S.?

Millu: No, just to study at that time. But after I came here, obviously I wanted to stay here because I liked being here. But at that time when I first came here, I just wanted to come here to study. So that was my goal at that time.

Nikesh: For me, I don't really know if I really wanted to come to the United States for my further studies. But I was selected for my fourth grade to be in that school. That school was somewhat renowned as well, where basically all the elite classes in Nepal, like three of the princes, they went to that school. It's a very highly selected school and I got selected. From there, it's just been another norm for any students that grew up in that school. They basically were pretty much geared towards going to the United States for their further studies. To me, although I really didn't know exactly what I wanted to do, but just like all the friends and everyone, my seniors, everyone just kind of trying to apply to the U.S. colleges after my A -levels and that's basically what I ended up doing. But I don’t know if I really wanted to.

Priyanka: How was the process of applying to our schools in the U.S.?

Nikesh: I think the school that we went to, like I said, I'd say it was established by the British in the past. That school pretty much was pretty far ahead compared to any other schools in Nepal when it comes to sending students abroad. They knew that they had a good educational system setup, the curriculum setup. They had a guidance counsellor at that time, way back when, who were pretty much looking after all the application processes and recommendations and all that that's needed to apply for the colleges outside of Nepal. So, I think from the school standpoint, this might be a one-off school that we went to.

Millu: It was pretty easy because they had a system for everything. Since so many students in the past they came here, everyone knew what the process is. Everyone knew what they need to do. So, they prepared themselves from the very beginning. For example, the schools had different clubs and those were extra activities. And then the students there already knew if they want to go to the U.S., they need to participate in those clubs because those are extra activities right. And there were teachers who could write recommendations and then the students already knew that they need to get recommendations. And then they already knew which teachers they should approach. So, there was a system there and then everyone who was there, they pretty much knew. So, for us, the process wasn't difficult because we knew how to apply and then what we need to do. For us, I would say it was very easy. It's just a matter of getting selected to good schools. That's a different thing, but we knew what we needed and what we had to do.

 

[0:05:00]

Nikesh: At that school, I'd say we were probably just the one-off or maybe one of the very few that were from the very beginning, knew exactly what needs to be done to the students and how they need to train the students for further study.

Priyanka: What was your first impression of the States? What was what happened when you came here?

Millu: First, food was a big thing for me because I remember when I first came to college, I could hardly eat anything because everything was very bland, and I know I cried for so many days. So that was one thing. And then the other thing, so many little things, especially because we went to a boarding school. And then when we were in Nepal, our boarding school was like, you know, what do you call it? We had everything in there, but it was inside the big walls, right? There were big gates and then we could not go outside of that gate or outside of the walls. And then one of the first thing I was shocked when I came here, college, there was no boundaries. It was open. Students can go anywhere at any time, even at night, in the morning, it doesn't matter. So that was shocking for me. And it's just a small thing. But now when I think about it, that was very shocking for me from where I come from because we went to a boarding school and you're not allowed to go outside. And then food was a big thing. And also, initially it was very hard to understand the accent. Even though we went to a boarding school in Nepal, we studied everything in English. And we could speak English, understand English. Still, we could not understand the accent. And I remember when we had big meetings, like student government meetings, whatever that we had to attend. It was very difficult to understand what they were saying. And even in the classes, it was very difficult to understand the professors. Even though they were speaking English, I could understand it, I could speak it, but it was very hard.

Priyanka: Just like the way they were talking.

Millu: Just like the way the accent was very hard. And especially I went to a college in North Carolina and there they have that southern accent, which is even more difficult to understand. So that was another thing. So, for me, food and then accent, it was very hard to understand what was going on in the classes. And again, small things. There were many small things. It's hard to remember now, but at that time, very, very small things. Just one example, I just said there were no walls or anything. You can just walk in and out any time. And then another thing I can remember now is that you can eat in your classroom. In Nepal, you cannot eat in front of your teachers. If you are in a class, you cannot eat anything. But here, I was quite surprised that if you go to a class, you can even take a lunch or whatever, and you can still eat and listen to your professors. So that was also another shocking thing, I guess.  Nikesh, you may probably have more.

Nikesh: There are probably a lot of things very similar to what you said. Culture, language was, I'd say, a lot of a bigger problem for me. I was the only Nepali at Oberlin at the time.

Priyanka: Only Nepali student?

Nikesh: Yeah, I'm the only Nepali student there. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Again, the respect that they give to the students you have for the professors. We really, at least, were brought up in a way that we really shy away from the teachers and professors. But here, students are talking to professors as a friend. And from the language perspective, I even had to go to the libraries. So, I was talking to my international - her title was coordinator, something like that. She had suggested to me to go rent a tape recorder from the library, and then record basically the classes so that I can listen to it again after the class, so that I have a good idea of what's going on in the class. So, I went to that level of difficulty, just understanding who we want here. Not that I'd be knowing this, but even knowing this, it was hard to get to know you.

Millu: Absolutely, very difficult.

Priyanka: So, you recorded all of your classes like that, and then would go home and listen to them?

Nikesh: Yeah, especially, I guess, economics. I took an economics class, although my major was physics and math which I guess math and physics, I don't know if you needed as much of those communication skills, per se. I was able to go through the book and understand it, but during my economics lecture, that's where I felt like I really wasn't sure what's happening in the class, so I started recording it. And I guess the one other thing I'd say is just the economic status of the students here, compared to where I came from in Nepal, not having all the resources that I would have thought of, I'd need the struggle with the money and everything, versus all the college kids at the time around me, even the ones from other foreign countries like India, some other places, to me, it felt like they were a lot well-off economically compared to where I was, and that definitely was something that was painful to look back, but that was definitely one thing that I had in mind, that I felt different as to how far back Nepal was economically, status-wise, compared to other students I had around,

 

[0:10:00]

Nikesh: even from foreign countries.

 

Priyanka: When you both first came here, did you want to just study here for undergrad and then go back to Nepal, or did you already know that you wanted to stay here?

Millu: For me, at least after I finished my undergrad, I wanted to go to grad school, and I wanted to do a PhD in economics, that's what I did, so that was my goal at that time. I didn't want to go directly after my undergrad, I wanted to complete my education, I wanted to study further, so that's what I did, but for him, I think it’s different.

Nikesh: To me, I'm the only son in the family, family meaning for my parents, I'm the eldest, and I'm not sure how much you know about those kinds of responsibilities that you have back in Nepal. They are still relying on me for a lot of different things, they're still expecting me to come back, and that pretty much was my intention. After my undergrad, I was planning to go back home and support my parents in whatever way they need. I think now with the kids, after 20 years, their expectations may have changed slightly, but they're still expecting me to come back.

Priyanka: They're still expecting you now to come back?

Nikesh: Yep, and I'm still planning on going back, I don't know when, but that's still an option for me.

Millu: At that time, we came here for undergrad, and then at least I wanted to study further, I did that, and after I finished my studies, I thought about maybe I would work here for a few years, then I started working. And then after that, we had kids, so it's like a step, you don't plan for the next 20 or 30 years, right? So, it just happened one after another, so we studied, we got a job, and then we had kids, and life just went on, so we ended up staying here for 21 years now, so it just happened. It's not that we planned from day one, okay, we'll stay here for 20 years, it's not that.

Priyanka: Do you feel like now that you've stayed here for some 20 years, that some of the things that were really shocking to you before, you've kind of gotten used to, I guess for example, you're saying the food and things like that?

Nikesh: Yeah, I think that we, I'd say that matters probably, we got a lot more mature over time, in that I guess first, we just were exposed to something different. Now that we've been here 20 years, it's not just the U.S., but within the U.S. there's a lot of diversity, and we I guess are just getting more accustomed to that. Not that we can, I guess, it doesn't shock us that a lot of things are different now. It's not again American versus Nepal, but in America as well, there's a lot of demographics, different demographics, understanding, starting to understand a lot more about those differences, and at the same time being respectful of those differences, so now I think it's not shocking anymore.

Millu: Yeah, because even the way we were brought up in Nepal, I mean most kids, they don't do anything when they are young, like chores or anything, their parents do everything or they have help, so after I came here, obviously we started doing everything by ourselves, so those were very difficult things in the beginning, to do everything by myself, like chores and also like study and think about your financial planning, everything by myself, but now we are used to doing everything by ourselves, and even when we go back to Nepal, if we have help in Nepal, it actually surprises me, I feel uncomfortable if people do stuffs for me in Nepal, now when I go back. For example, if I eat and if somebody takes my plate in Nepal, I feel uncomfortable, because here we are used to doing everything by ourselves, washing dishes, everything, so in Nepal people depend on other people for small small things. So now when we go back to Nepal, those things actually surprise me, because we are so used to doing everything by ourselves, so it's the other way now I think.

Priyanka: Yeah, actually going off of that, are there other things that being here has changed, maybe like in your personal values?

Millu: Yeah, so becoming more independent, obviously that's one thing, if I was in Nepal, if I didn't come here, I would probably still be dependent on some things on other people, because that's how the culture is back home, you depend on other people for like small things, it's not that you can't do it by yourself, but it's just that you have a habit of asking other people to do it for you, but here we do everything by ourselves, so that's, I think I have become more independent in that sense, so when we reflect

 

[0:15:00]

Millu: back, that's one thing, and then values, obviously since we were raised in Nepal, we still have those values and we try to pass that to our kids, so values I don't think it has changed so much, but becoming independent and then also having different perspectives on different things, if I was in Nepal, I would probably just have one perspective on something, but now here we meet people from different backgrounds, so at work and even when I was a student, we had people from different backgrounds, and even at work we meet people from different backgrounds, so now I can see things from different perspectives, I don't just have one perspective, I don't believe, okay, this is the way I see it, and this is right, I don't take things like that, I can see, I can look at the same thing from different perspectives, so I think that has changed too, but if I was in Nepal, I don't know if I would have that kind of exposure, and that kind of perspective on different things.

Nikesh: To answer your question on a high level, I feel like I probably am going through some kind of identity crisis at this point, on a high level in that, when we came here everything used to be different, now staying here for the last 20 years we understood why it was different, and a lot of times all those differences started to make sense for us, so we kind of started deviating there as well, getting in line with the mainstream American culture, thought process, whatever you call it, but then now thinking back, not that we don't completely ignore the values that we brought from Nepal, that still holds, but at the same time we're kind of starting to make our own judgement call over time, things are being done differently here in the United States, and there's a reason for it, and we agree with some of those, and with that I think. where I feel like I'm ending up right now is, I'm somewhere in the middle, I don't think there's everything in this culture that we're able to adapt to, but with us being here for so long, I feel like we also have changed quite a bit from the mainstream Nepalese, or the views from, if we didn't come to the States, so if you go back to Nepal I feel like I'm still different, than the thought process and the way people think about it on that side, because at the same time I don't think I have ever been able to completely unrecognize myself, with the thoughts and viewpoints here.

Millu: It's actually, I feel like we are actually lucky, because we have seen both worlds, so now it's not, we can decide what is right and what is wrong, we can look at it in that way, so if something for example, if a ritual or something from Nepal, we can look at it as whether it's right or wrong, why is it done, and we can choose to do it or not do it, but if we were in Nepal I would think, since everybody does it, we just do it, we can't question that in Nepal, most people they don't question it, because if your parents are doing it, okay, we have to do it, so there's a pressure, that kind of pressure there, but here we can at least question it, we can think about it, and we can choose to do it or not do it, depending on whether it's good or bad, so I think we have that luxury here, so in that sense, values are still there, but at least we are in a stage where we can question it, so I think we are lucky in that sense, and it goes for both, not just Nepali culture, even like American culture or anything, we don't have to do whatever other people are doing, we can at least question it,  we can choose either to do it or not, or both.

Nikesh: I think there's no judgment to go either or, in a lot of these calls, when it comes to adapting to different cultures or whatever, but I think that's what makes us, I'm kind of starting to feel like, you know, us different than a true American who was born and raised here, versus, you know, a Nepali who was born and raised there, we're somewhere in the middle of nowhere, I'm kind of starting to feel like, you know, that identity crisis that I was talking about, where I feel like I don't know any of the two worlds.

Priyanka: Is there like a particular, something, like an example that comes to mind, where you've kind of found a middle ground?

Millu: I can say, I mean, in terms of, let's say, in terms of our festivals. In Nepal, if I was in Nepal, obviously there are so many festivals, I would celebrate all of them, right, even though if I like it or not, but here, we can choose what to celebrate, what to pass along, pass it to our kids. So here, it's also because of time, we don't have that much of time here, both of us are working, we have kids, and we don't have time to celebrate everything. So here, what we do is we choose to celebrate like the big festivals, Dashain Tihar, because I want my kids to know what Dashain Tihar are, instead of like every small festival. So those are the things I would say. we have found a middle ground, and also, we also celebrate Christmas, so there's like, there's a balance of, they need to know both. I don't think they should just know, you know, Nepali festivals or the western festivals' culture, so here, again, it's a matter of, you know, picking what you want to give it to your kids. So, I think there's some middle ground there, but other than that, again, in Nepal, I know there are so many festivals that I don't believe in. Now, I can question that, and I don't want to follow those, I don't want to celebrate those festivals, or I don't want to follow, pass that to my kids. So, I would say, yeah, that's a middle ground. I'm in a position where I can question it, and then choose to do it or not do it.

 

[0:20:00]

Priyanka: Moving on to something that you both mentioned before, is the idea of also passing on your values and traditions to your kids, because I know that most of the values that I hold important to me come from the way I was raised, from my parents and they passed down. So how do you guys think about how to pass on that mixture of values to your kids?

Millu: So obviously, they will learn a lot of things about American culture, from their friends, and from the school, right? And for us, it's mostly passing Nepali culture to them. And again, not everything. Again, choosing what we want to pass. So how we do that is, I think food is also a big part of our culture, so we try to cook Nepali food as much as possible so they know what Nepali food is so that they can eat Nepali food. And when we go back to Nepal to visit, at least they can eat that food, right? So that's how they are exposed to that. Language is another thing. Obviously, we try to speak to them in Nepali as much as possible, and then celebrating big festivals and telling them what it is about. Not just celebrating, but telling them what that festival is about so that they know what it is. And then again, as for the American culture, obviously there's Thanksgiving, we celebrate Christmas, we celebrate... I'm not aware of small festivals, but at least we try to do the big ones. At least they would know what that is, and at least they can tell, okay, we celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, we celebrate Dashain, we celebrate Tihar, you know, those kinds of things. So, it's not possible to give them everything, to teach them everything that we learned in Nepal about Nepali culture, but at least we try to give something to them so that at least they know where their parents come from, at least they know their roots. So that's our goal. Our goal is not to make them completely Nepali by giving them everything, or the other way, like making them completely American. Our goal is to make them...

Nikesh: While it's not our goal to make them Nepali in America, I think we're prejudiced in that, in a way that we're intentionally trying to... like she mentioned earlier, intentionally trying to get them into the Nepali culture, hoping that the American culture being born and raised here, with the circles that they'll have, we are certain that they'll pick up the American culture now or later. And that's why we're not as worried about the American side of things, although we would want them to have, be knowledgeable about both sides. But I think what you're worried more about is the Nepali side, that we're just too, here in the family, very busy people, and we're just worried that if you don't act on it today, in whatever regard you can, we're just worried that they'll probably never be able to pick up on the Nepali valleys. So that's why we're kind of intentionally trying to feed them the Nepali side of things, again, knowing that they'll pick up the American side anytime.

Priyanka: Do you feel that they're pretty receptive when you are celebrating Nepali holidays and showing them culture?

Millu: Yeah, I think Navya is, she likes the festivals that we celebrate, and again, we tell her what it is about, and not in very depth, but at least she knows why we do that, and then what we do. So, she likes celebrating big festivals. Nivan is too young, too.

 

[0:25:00]

Nikesh: He's very young, so he's too young right now. To answer that, I think Navya (daughter) is too young for her to really kind of ignore those kinds of things, because you know, those festivals are more like the best for them, fun things for them, like to get things, and that's why she's interested. In the next couple years, when she grows up a little bit out of that, that fun side, I'm not sure where it will take her.

Priyanka: Yeah, I think speaking of festivals also reminded me of the Nepali community here now also. I think when I was younger, it was much smaller, and now when I go to parties, I think every time I see a new place, and there's so many kids, like Navya’s age, and it's really great to see that, and do you think having that has also helped kind of keep Nepali culture alive?

Millu: Yeah, definitely, because now we have so many Nepali families here, and then they have kids. There are so many kids that are the same age as Navya, and again, there are other kids that are the same age as Nivan (son), and that has definitely helped, I think, helped them more than us to see that there's somebody who looks like her, and then somebody who has the same background as her, I think it has helped her, and obviously we go to Nepali parties from now, and then also with other families, and there they can bond with other kids, so it has definitely helped them, and then, at least in that sense, even though, you know, when they meet their friends, Nepali friends, they end up speaking in English, but in some sense, they are aware of our culture, because there are so many things going on in the background, even though they are not completely into that, they can still see what goes around, like how we act with other Nepali families, you know, how we interact, what food we eat, what we do, those kinds of things, so I think that's also adding to what adding to their, like, they know, at least they are aware about Nepali culture in that way as well.

Nikesh: I'm not sure how much they are aware about the culture and stuff, but I think Navya is at a point where we kind of start to hear from her that, you know, at least she is realizing that she is different than the students in her class, and I think going to these Nepalese gatherings, I think it does give her a sense that, you know, well, you know, Lexi mentioned that while they are still talking in English, it does bring a feeling to her that, you know, she is dealing with similar kind of kids.

Millu: Yeah, I think that gives a lot of support to all the kids, not just her, like everybody, you know, because they can see there's somebody there who looks like her or him and who has the same background, same type of family, so I think that's a very good support system for them.

Priyanka: And what about for you guys also? You're saying that you were the only Nepali student at Oberlin going from that years ago to now having this community. How has that been for you?

Nikesh: I guess it depends on, like, to me, it's been like, you know, I was really into Nepalese community immediately after college where I had a lot of time, I really wanted to kind of mingle around, so, you know, being without not seeing any Nepalese face for the four years I was in Oberlin, I was really longing to go look out for Nepalese restaurants, even like Indian restaurants too that matter and looking for every single Nepalese I could find in the area. And again, I was single at that time, I had a lot of time. now, you know, work is busy, life is busy, you know, with the kids and everything. I don't know if I've honestly spent as much time with the Nepalese community in the most recent days as I would have wanted. So, not that I didn't want to, but I guess the family and everything else that comes in in our daily lives has kind of -

Priyanka: It just gets busier

Nikesh: taken a higher priority than being, you know, Nepalese folks around.

Millu: Obviously it adds value because, you know, if you meet other people from Nepal, I mean, we may not meet them every time, like we may go to some events, but not to every event, but the ones that we go to, obviously, you know, we bond with people, it feels nice talking to them, having good food. That's another thing because food is a big part of our gatherings and then it's very hard to cook Nepali food at home, like, you know, like special Nepali food at home all the time. So, the gatherings, in gatherings we have good food, that's one plus point. and then whenever we go, obviously, we bond with everybody and it feels great to talk to them and spend some time together. So, I think it has helped. We may not go every time, but whenever we go, it feels great, so.

 

[0:30:00]

Priyanka: Going back a little bit to, again, the idea of passing on values to your kids. Do you have an expectation for them that, you know, now that we are trying to pass on our culture to you and immersing you in Nepali culture and you guys are doing the best you can that they will also carry that forward into the future when they're older?

Millu: I mean, we would like them to pass on at least few things to our grandkids. Not everything, obviously. They obviously, I mean, we will never, you know, we will never impose anything on them. They don't have to do everything, anything that we say. I mean, they can obviously, they can choose what to do and what not to do, right? But obviously, we would like them to take the good things that they learned and then pass it on to their kids. And, they may not be able to pass everything, but at least if they can pass something, I mean, we would like them to do that, yeah, obviously.

Nikesh: Yeah, I'm not sure as to how much they'll be able to pass on to them, like, even that we've, ourselves, already cut down so much, you know, based on our lifestyle and everything.

Millu: It also depends, I mean, because for us, both of us are Nepali, right? So, we have the same values, same culture, and it's easier for us to give them, pass our culture and our language, everything to them. But, for them, we don't know who they are going to marry. So, there's going to be another dynamic there.

Priyanka: So, are you okay with them marrying non-Nepali?

Millu: Yeah, obviously, yeah, it's, I mean, they can choose to marry whoever they want. It's their life, obviously, we just want them to be happy. So, since there's going to be another person with another background, I mean, we don't know how much they can carry our Nepali culture forward, but at least we hope that at least they can pass something to their kids, yeah, some, maybe some good things, or at least one thing to their kids, yeah.

Nikesh: Well, more than good things, I was more so trying to see at least they know their identity, they at least have something to tie to in our grants or who they are. That's, I think, to me, you know, as long as they can at least transfer a few of those things to, you know, the next generation that they have.

Priyanka: Yeah, I think that about wraps it up. If there's anything that you feel like we didn't get to talk about, that you think is important to your story, or anything else that you just want to share at the end?

Nikesh: I guess one thing that I could put in there is, you know, a lot of things that we went through as a first-generation immigrant, we went through a lot of challenges for sure, you know, this cultural, economic, I would say finance was a big thing as well in the dynamics. Culture, obviously, but, yeah, there were a lot of challenges on the finance side, and I'm glad that, you know, at least the second generation, they probably would definitely struggle through that. I think that in itself would make a lot of these transition a lot easier for, you know, for someone like Navya, the second-generation kids.

Millu: Yeah, definitely, because when we came, we came as a student, and after we came here, we didn't ask for any financial support from our parents. So, we did everything on our own. It was very difficult for us at that time, when we were students. Then we got a job, and life became a little bit easier, financially, not in terms of other things, but for our kids, I think they have that support. They don't need to worry about these kinds of things. So, they have that support from us, and then when we came here, obviously, not just, you know, financial, even like the family support, we didn't have that because we were just by ourselves here, and we built a life here. But for our kids, they have the support from us, you know, financial support, other support, everything, every kind of support. If they need anything, we are here. So, for them, obviously, it's going to be easier than what we went through because we were the first generation, and then obviously, the first generation has to do a lot more work to make life better for the second generation, right? So, but they will still have their own struggles. Obviously, the world will be different when they grow up. They will have their own struggles that they have to work on, but we will be there to support them. So it will be, you know, a little bit different than what we experienced.

Nikesh: I guess more than the culture, more than the skin colour, and more than the culture, I think one of the other things that I think I mentioned earlier as well, that I really struggle in my college life is the financial, you know, issues. I can tell, I just feel like I didn't belong to the group because I wasn't able to spend as much money on a lot of different things, like hanging out in the parties or getting different gadgets like my friends did, having a car and whatnot. So, I just feel like I was completely left out. A lot of it is also because of those financial reasons. And the second one definitely was me being the only Nepali in school and no one really sharing my culture and my values. And no one to support around me, like my family and closest friends. At least for my kids, they won't have to deal with those two of the bigger challenges that I was talking about. I mean, the skin colour and identity obviously would be an ongoing battle for them as well. And I'm sure just those two things that, you know, is being cut off from the scene, I think it will at least make it a lot easier for them to deal with that.

 

[0:35:00]

Millu: For us, when we came as a student, our focus was just to study, get good grades, right? That was our focus. But our kids, obviously they need to, they will probably do well academically, but there will be other opportunities for them. And I want them to enjoy their college life, not just, you know, study. I mean, there are so many things that goes on in college that I couldn't do and I know you couldn't do because we were so focused on getting good grades, right? But for them, I want them to have a good time, enjoy experience that college life, do everything that the college offers them. So, if there's a study abroad program, go for it. If there's other things, do it. But we couldn't do it. So, I think that's one regret I would say that in my college life, I mean, I couldn't participate in other activities as much, but at least our kids, they will be able to. And then I want them to do that. I want them to experience college, not just study and then get good grades. And they will have that kind of support so.

Nikesh: And one other thing that I can probably add to that, probably a slightly different topic is that growing up in Nepal, we're just raised differently when it comes to the education system. It's more about you have to study and you have to go buy the book and you have to get good grades. And I think because both of us, I'd say, you know, looking and reflecting back on our life, we kind of struggled quite a bit because of that in our own career. And that, you know, communication skills have been, I'd say, to me, still one of the problems that we aren't as open like, you know, from like, from the way we grew up, right? While we know like from the textbook perspective, we may know things, but we just, I'd say, still struggling as to how to present those things to your audience the right way. And again, those probably would be, I'd kind of, you know, point it back to the education system back in Nepal as to, you know, just going on the textbook way. And I think, at least for the kids, I think growing up here, I can already see in Navya, like, how different she is as a kid. If I compare a kid from Nepal probably equally or even more talented than her in terms of studies and compared with her, she is totally different in terms of her communication skills and how nicely she could communicate her feelings emotionally as well to everyone else. I think that is something that I feel like, you know, we as a first-generation immigrant definitely lack and, you know, growing up here in the United States as someone like you and Navya as a second-generation immigrant, I think that would be a barrier that they don't have to go through.

Millu: When we think about Navya, she's more open, she says what she thinks. I mean, for us, we couldn't speak our mind.

Nikesh: Yeah, it's like normal things like being able to articulately, being able to explain what you're feeling, how you're feeling. I think Nepalese culture is just, I don't know if you've experienced this, but, you know, I don't think any Nepalese would be able to really articulately explain anything, any of their emotions. To us, it's either good or bad. And if you ask them, like, why do you think it's good or why do you think it's bad? And we, as a Nepalese, like, the Nepalese language, I don't know if it's a problem with the language, but it's probably also a little bit of culture coming in there. They are just not articulate enough to kind of express their feelings, express whatever, you know, they want to talk about, but I think Navya has already overcome that barrier just like the way we see her grow up. I think it will take her a long way and get her through some of the challenges that we've been facing even till this day. We kind of grew up in one culture, like, one side of the world and we're living in the other side of the world. Obviously, there's good and bad sides about, you know, about everything, right? We're trying to kind of, you know, taking the good sides from, good things from both sides and trying to see if we can come up with, like, the intersection of those two, I guess, thinking of it as a Venn diagram. Just taking the good from both sides and then kind of see if we can, you know, move from there, but we'll see how far it takes us.

 

[0:40:00]

Priyanka: I think to some extent both first-generation and second-generation kind of deal with that, but for you all, you grew up with one culture for a long time, and suddenly you came here when you were young adults and just got all of the new culture. And for kids like Navya and me, we kind of grew up with both at the same time. So, it's just, yeah, it's just kind of, there's always a Venn diagram, but how you reach it, I think, is different.